I Remembered Why OppositeLock Is Dead

"Stef Schrader" (stefschrader)
05/25/2020 at 00:55 • Filed to: Dead to Me, Porsche 959, OppositeLock, Paris-Dakar Rally, Paris-Dakar Rally Porsche 959, Porsche, 959, Because Racecar

This arrow should be pointed at me. I need the 959.

Well, at least I figured out why you’re all DEAD TO ME. A couple years ago, I gave you all an ultimatum: get me a Paris-Dakar Rally Porsche 959, or you’re all dead to me.

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I still do not have a Paris-Dakar Rally 959, therefore, you are all dead to me. Every single one of you, which includes all of OppositeLock. (I’m dead inside , so I’m already on this list.)

Just look at all of these fantastic dirt-ready Porsches! They’re delightful cars! I would love to have any of these wonderful vehicles to hoon around. That ducktail swooshy neon Martini-liveried rally Porsche is perhaps the best- looking rally Porsche of all time . However, you are specifically dead to me for not getting me a Paris-Dakar 959.

Fortunately for you, i t’s not too late to fix this.

Get me a Paris-Dakar 959.

DISCUSSION (56)

Dusty Ventures > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 00:58

I got you a model Paris-Dakar 959. Pretty sure that makes me only half dead

CB > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 00:58

Alternative solution: it' s heist time.

phenotyp > Dusty Ventures
05/25/2020 at 01:04

Kinja'd!!!

facw > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 01:06

I think your best bet at the moment is Brickman:

Kinja'd!!!

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Stef Schrader > facw
05/25/2020 at 01:09

The models are good, but I do have one. I need the full-size version I can hoon in.

wafflesnfalafel > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 01:14

I would like to apologize for not being more proactive about the Dakar 959 situation...

bob and john > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 01:14

or, we miniaturize YOU.

Which might be easier.

(stay still)

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 01:19

I can’t be dead to you, I’m already dead inside.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 01:21

The difference is you aren't being paid to follow up on your ultimatum while you were given a pittance to decree it. It might take us a while to supply such a Porsche on an Oppo writer's salary.

Stef Schrader > CB
05/25/2020 at 01:27

I feel like Porsche would be onto us after shooting that as a commercial.

Anyway, it’s not up to me HOW you ge t the 959 to give to me . I just want to be able to keep it......legally.

415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 01:27

Kinja'd!!!

bob and john > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 01:29

now you are changing the goalposts. not fair

AestheticsInMotion > CB
05/25/2020 at 01:31

Somebody please link that amazing Oppo A-team video

PyramidHat > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 01:46

God, I remember when the 959 came out...it was fuckbonkers insane. For the remaining specimens, I wonder if all the systems still work...

BeaterGT > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 01:55

Would a Tuthill 911 suffice?

ClassicDatsunDebate > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 02:05

I saw it at autotechnik Sinsheim. You can too. If I didn’t, I did so in my memory. Now I have it. It’s yours. You have it. The parsh the parsh is you.

Stef Schrader > Dusty Ventures
05/25/2020 at 02:25

It was a kind gesture! However, this demand only applies to the OG.

DipodomysDeserti > CB
05/25/2020 at 02:26

I think he’s a cop, guys, don’t buy any grenades from him.

RallyWrench > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 02:34

Fair. But... I got you this picture of one. Tried to steal it but there were too many Serious Germans around . I got a beat up 911 though , and you can drive it. Can we be undead now?

Kinja'd!!!

RallyWrench > DipodomysDeserti
05/25/2020 at 02:35

CB= Cop Brian. This is some F&F level shit.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 04:32

I mean if you just want to hoon, Ive got some janky shit you can bust around (couple of Volvos, beater Cruze). Because lets face it, hooning a 959 is probably going to result in stuffing a 959. None of my rattle traps are even worth what the insurance deductible would be on a 959.

Stef Schrader > wafflesnfalafel
05/25/2020 at 04:32

There was no hard deadline given besides “ASAP.”

Stef Schrader > bob and john
05/25/2020 at 04:32

Nah. I already have to get a stool out to reach the top of the Puffalump shelf. Also, no working drivetrain = hard pass.

Stef Schrader > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent
05/25/2020 at 04:33

I mean, same.

Stef Schrader > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available
05/25/2020 at 04:34

My income doesn’t matter. My lack of Paris-Dakar 959 and your ability to get it to me are the only things that do .

Stef Schrader > 415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°)
05/25/2020 at 04:34

see, this is why you’re dead to me

Stef Schrader > bob and john
05/25/2020 at 04:35

The goalpost of “buy me a Paris-Dakar 959" hasn’t changed from the start.

Stef Schrader > PyramidHat
05/25/2020 at 04:36

I’d imagine they’re still crazy if the car has been well-maintained.

Stef Schrader > BeaterGT
05/25/2020 at 04:37

I won’t say no, but I’m still going to need that Paris-Dakar 959.

Stef Schrader > Snuze: Needs another Swede
05/25/2020 at 04:41

I specifically want to hoon the Paris-Dakar 959, and everyone remains dead to me until I can have it.

Stef Schrader > RallyWrench
05/25/2020 at 04:44

This sure looks familiar. However, it’s not in my possession, therefore, I’m going to have to pass on the undeadery.

Stef Schrader > ClassicDatsunDebate
05/25/2020 at 04:44

Sinsheim is great. There’s one at the parsh museum proper, too.

However, that’s not how this works. It has to be in my possession to hoon in real life.

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 05:03

Face it, Oppo...Stef thinks we are zombies.

Stef Schrader > SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media
05/25/2020 at 06:25

Not zombies. Just dead to me. Everyone’s dead to me because I don’t have a Paris-Dakar 959.

shop-teacher > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 07:37

Wait just a damn minute here! I sent them the check. I’m pretty sure they cashed it ... They must have cashed it, because there’s no money in the account.

Let me make some calls when they open back up tomorrow. I need to str aighten those bastards out.

This is outrageous! (Read that in James May's voice)

A Boy and His Longtail > 415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°)
05/25/2020 at 07:40

Bold move, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off for him.

A Boy and His Longtail > CB
05/25/2020 at 07:41

I’ve got nothing better to do today, so I’m in

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 07:56

Turns out that there’s probably only one Porsche 959 in Oz (well it was here in 2018) and it i sn’t a Paris-Dakar version...so I’m no help.

AdverseMartyr > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 08:09

Ok, it’s time for an Oppo who is LALD to step up, make a 959 Dakar, and get it to you.

Kinja'd!!!

Poor_Sh > Stef Schrader
05/25/2020 at 08:13

I think the number of times “Paris-Dakar 959" has been written in this post and now all these comments was specifically engineered to make Stef’s request for one the first thing that comes up when googled. She wants it to pop up on Porsche's radar so they'll give her one for publicity. SHENANIGANS!